Rome Davis: ROSHAMBO

The night starts with festival ground rules, then Comedian Rome grabs the mic and turns a simple stand-up set into a full tour of modern life: how we date, how we age, and how we try to look confident while everything feels slightly out of control. He celebrates seven years in comedy, flashes back to an early church booking, and shows how the same joke can land completely differently depending on who’s in the room. If you love live stand-up comedy, crowd work, and sharp cultural observations, this one moves fast and hits often. 

We get into the real difference between performing for all-white audiences versus all-Black audiences, why “support” can sound like an insult, and what it takes to read the room in real time. From there, Rome dives into getting older, becoming awkward at the worst moments, and the strange manners we carry into intimacy. The relationship material gets even wilder when he breaks down dating apps, first-date pressure, vulnerability backfires, and the unrealistic height-money-everything checklists people post like they’re hiring for a job. 

The back half opens up into family stories and survival logic, from nicknames in the Black household to why he’s absolutely not built for prison. He closes with money stress, streaming price hikes, and the chaotic joy of bargain entertainment, including a Tubi rabbit hole you will not forget. Subscribe for more live comedy, share this with a friend who hates first dates, and leave a review with your worst dating app story.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:13

Hello, and welcome to the Z Fringe Festival. We'd like to thank our festival sponsors, the Good Family and the Helen G. Gifford Foundation, as well as our season sponsors, Virginia Beach Cultural Affairs, Odyssey Virginia, and Virginia Commission for the Arts. And most of all, thank you for supporting artists in your community. The Z Fringe strives to give as many artists as possible the opportunity to share their work. As there is limited time between performances, shows that go over their allotted time will be cut off. We thank you for your understanding. Now, at this time, we ask that you please silence all electronic devices and refrain from photography or videography during the production. Thank you. And enjoy the show.

White Crowds Versus Black Crowds

SPEAKER_01 1:17

Yeah, yeah, multiple choice. I can answer the damn question. Good night. I know it's a little stuck up out there in the front, but you ain't gotta be like that up in here. We're gonna have fun tonight. I'm glad to be here today. They flew me all the way in from Chesapeake. I flew Spirit. Oh, you you right about that because Spirits thought that the easy pass told us to get here. I'm like, bro, you just go down Lynn Haven Parkway. But I'm here by the grace of God. Man, I'm glad to be here. I was doing this application for the Z Friends Fest. They had all the requirements and all the warnings about it, and they said nudity up there. I was like, ah, my mama's gonna be here. Ain't no way I can show that thing off. Plus, there's not enough room on this stage for me and my third leg. I gotta take my shoe off every time I take a piss. You know, God. God was like, hey, you want height or a big one? I was like, ah, I'll take the big one. Nah, man. I've been doing comedy for about seven years now. I just hit my seven-year anniversary, man. Seven years, seven years, seven years. People ask me all the time, Ron, why'd you get in comedy? And I tell them, for the women. Yeah, nah. I still sleep on a race car bed in my mama driveway. It's lightning McQueen, so I tell everybody I want to go fast. I love doing comedy, man. Oh wow. They came in late and set up high, like, we ain't gonna catch you. I've been doing comedy seven years, man. I remember when the first time I started doing comedy, my mom booked me at a black church event. Ooh, ooh, it's right. I think it was like New Calvary, Baptist, Lutheran, Epistlecostal, Synagogue, University, or some one of them churches. When I did that comedy show, that show was so bad, but it was so good. Because all the older black ones were coming up to me, give me words of encouragement. They were telling me stuff like, let the Lord use you as his vessel, baby. God got a blessing with your name on it. The pastor came up to me and said, The devil is a lie. One of the things about being a comedian, man, you get questions. You get a lot of questions. But one of the main questions I normally get is, What's the difference between working an all-white audience and working an all-black audience? Well, I tell you, I did a white show a couple of weeks ago. White people, they laugh, they congratulate you, they weird you out, they got guitar riffs after every compliment. White guy came up to me after my show. He goes, Hey man, you were funny, my guy. Keep going. Bene, ben. I don't know how to make a guitar riff. I went to public school, but I smelled the pizza rolls on his bruff. I did an all-black show last weekend. Let me tell you something. Black people don't laugh. We we don't laugh at all. We insult you and make noises to let you know that we're funny. This is all I heard last time I did an all-black show.

unknown 4:46

Ah.

Getting Older And Getting Awkward

Sex Talk And Dirty Talk Fails

Couples In The Crowd And Marriage

Dating Apps And First Date Chaos

High Standards And Not Built To Fight

Crime Anxiety And Proud Snitching

Love Is Blind Until It Isn’t

Crazy Family Aliases And Aunt Booty

Family Feud And Tubi Rabbit Holes

Follow On Instagram And Closing Thanks

SPEAKER_01 4:49

Woo! You stupid. Excuse me? You don't don't judge my life. I'm very smart. My reading level is on a seven. I'm getting gooder and gooder by the day. I'm actually uh not just celebrating seven years in comedy. I'm actually celebrating my birthday today. Thank you. I'm lying. This is not my birthday. It passed. Mason knows be celebrating a birthday this year. Look at them two. They ain't made no. Let me start. I work with him. I'm cool. He could barely fit in the chair when we sit down in the cube. I'm like, what do you live, sir? I turned 37 recently, man, and I love getting older, but I just hate what comes along with it. Like, I'm starting to do all the things I made fun of about my parents that they was doing. Now I'm starting to do it. Like I'm watching reruns of Matlock like it's going out of style right now. I carry a pocket full of half-chewed Werthers originals. Just a pocket full of sucking saves. It tastes like caramel and Levi's. Sometimes I catch myself walking around to the youth and giving them random words of confusion. Saw a guy the other day at the gym. He was looking down. I said, hey young buck, Wi-Fi works everywhere, but it don't work at the microwave. He said, What? I said, excuse me, don't disrespect your elders. Common sense is half off on Tuesdays with a sad audacity. And I dropped the mic. It was no mic in my hand. I uh I hate what comes along with getting older because I'm actually getting more and more awkward. I am getting very awkward. I don't know if you guys can tell. My mother dressed me. I like an extra off the one to years. My pants is cuffed up. I can't wait to go home. I'm getting very awkward. I'm just getting awkward during the wrong times. Yeah, I get awkward during sex. Hey, hey, hey. Don't judge me, judge yourself. Like, I'm just too polite when it comes to sex. I don't know how to initiate sex, right? I'm not into that foreplay of that kissing and caressing and rubbing the back. I don't know how to initiate sex. I like to initiate sex off of a handshake. Like I was about to bump bellies with this one young lady one time, and I was like, up high, down low, too slow. She's like, you need to leave. But one time I was dancing this girl belly button one time as I was dropping that mashed potato bone off in her gravy. He liked that one. He's like, Yeah, I know what you're talking about. She started hitting me with the dirty talk. I don't know how to dirty talk at all. You know what I'm saying? I don't know how to respond to it, especially in the missionary. Because missionary is too combative. You gotta make eye contact with people. I don't know if you guys can tell. I have astigmatism. So once I take my glasses off, I can't hear nothing. As I'm dancing, her belly button, she started doing a dirty talk. She was like, Ooh, you like this, don't you? I was like, Yes, ma'am, I do. She says, Ooh, baby, I'm about to come. I was like, it won't me. My mama pissed right now. She hates them jokes. She is, you see her face right now. She was like, ooh, you turn it up. Who's is this? Who's is this? I was like, your body, your choice. I don't. What are couples that make some noise? Y'all sound depressed as hell. So who got an argument in the car? Married? We are how many years? Oh, one. Oh, they fresh. That's that. Ain't worried about a couple right here. How long y'all been together? How long y'all been married? 20 uh 22. That they already know us, he ain't made no eye contact at all. They staring at each other's ass. They kissing and kicking and shit. I don't understand it. I want that type of love right there, man. But I can't make it past a seven-day trial period. I don't know what the problem is. You know what I mean? Like, my mama don't dress me. I'm like, uh, you know what I mean. I tried to date. I recently tried to date. I've been trying out these new dating apps. I tried uh Christian Mingle. Yeah. I tried JP. Y'all know what JP is? I was sending money to women prisoners. I was like, I was like, yeah, she got 25 of life, so I'd be alright. But I don't know. I'm gonna tell you guys something about dating apps. I tried this new dating app. I don't know if y'all ever heard of it. Facebook Marketplace. Oh, yeah, well, I've been searching used wedding dresses. And let me tell you something, Portsmouth is popping right now. The divorce rate is high. I actually went on a date with a young lady not too long ago. It was our first date. I hate first dates. I really do. I hate first dates are like interviewing for a job that you know you're underqualified for. Why y'all saying wow for they got 22 years, they got one year. I'm trying to get to that finish line. He had her, I'm glad he said one year because the way he holding her, I was like, Yeah, it's a Netflix documentary about to happen. I went out with this one young lady one time, and I'm telling you something right now, these young women, you can't be vulnerable with them anymore. You can't open up with them anymore. You can't let them know your deepest, darkest secrets. I shared with my deepest, this lady, my deepest, darkest secret. I said, Hey, I'm lactose intolerant. She goes, Well, for our first date, we should go get ice cream. I was like, Miss Lady, I'm gonna be honest with you. If that ice cream shop ain't within five minutes, these blue leaves are gonna be brown before the night is over with. She came at me with the nastiest insult I've ever heard in my life. She was like, ew, it's giving loose booty having ass, little boy. You got on a dirty diaper? I was like, it depends, period. These days, these dating outs is horrible, man. Like, you ever see the requirements that these women are looking for in their partner? You ever seen that? Like, they'll put it up there. Like, I was on this dating out. It wasn't Facebook Marketplace because I already had a rice cooker. I'm cool. I was on this dating out one time and I saw the requirements that this young lady was looking for, and she had three requirements. She said she needs a man that needs to at least be six feet tall, must have six inches of ping, and must make at least six figures. I was like, damn shit, I got astigmatism. I ain't seen of that shit. It went over some of y'all head because we got some public school education going on up in here. Some of y'all got 2020 vision on know the the horror of going to Sears to get your back to school glasses. I'm just why you on 666? That's the devil. That's why you're on this day now right now. Who said, mm-hmm? Hey man, my mama in the crowd. I can't cut up that bad. You know what I mean? I'm not an aggressive guy. I can't fight. I can pray for you. I'm not I'm not an aggressive guy. I don't I don't believe in that fighting and stuff. That's why I never turn to the life of crime. I refuse to do it. Look at me. If I go to prison, it is over. I'll walk in Rome and walk out Rebecca. Like this. I'm cool, man. My windows do not roll down. I just drive straight. If I ever turn to the life of crime, I'm gonna keep it real with you. I know we got some hoods out here, but I'm gonna keep I'm gonna snitch. I will be a I will snitch hard. Like y'all heard of that show first 48? Yeah, if I was on that show, that should be called opening credits. Because I we don't need to solve the crime at all with me. Like I'm gonna snitch. Like, just go ahead and give me my Philly cheesesteak sandwich and my dad coke. I'm done. Hell, if anything, put me back on the street so I can get some extra credit. Nah, man. I'm glad we got uh couples out here doing date night 22 years, one year. We got another couple up there. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. How long? 46. Woo! Make some noise for that. Woo! Ugh, I got a cramp her in 46. 46 years, that right there. That's your emergency contact. You got an emergency contact. Y'all just got to the emergency contact phase. Dang, 46 years. Good night. What's the key to staying married so long? Emergency contact. Oh man. I've tried some things out in my life, man. I really have. They always say, like, Virginia is for lovers. They always say that. I don't uh they always say, oh man, there's plenty of fish in the dating pool. I ain't gonna lie to you. It's 2026. There's a lot of doo-doo in the dating pool. And not the kind that calls me to poop with the ice cream that I told y'all about a couple of minutes ago. It's a lot of poop going on out there. Like they always got that expression like, love is blind. Y'all heard that before? Yeah, I believe in the expression love is death. You can't hear the stupid shit that comes out your partner's mouth on a day-to-day basis. One year, 22, and over 40 years, somebody said something stupid. And your partner was like, Bless his heart. Bless his heart. I don't know. I don't understand that, man. I I tried that, man. That that I just got a low tolerance for like stupidity, right? Like I was out with this beautiful young lady. She was beautiful. I mean, nice body. She was curvaceous or whatever that is. She was thick. She was wheelchair tire thick. I don't know if you guys know what a wheelchair tire thick is. But have you ever seen a wheelchair tire go flat? Them hover round commercials are the truth. I took on this nice day. It was a nice restaurant, nice ambience. The drive-thru was well lit. The golden arches was arching. We get up to the drive-thru. I put my order in. She puts her order in. She says, babe, I got my order in. Can you tell the cashier to cut my hamburger diagonally? I was like, sure. Yeah. I don't know if you saw that butt, but she had a school bus driver thickness back there. I was like, ah. One time, you know, we was actually gonna do a Netflix and chill. Well, I can't afford Netflix and chill. My pronouns are broken cheap. So you want a Netflix and chill, it's gonna be a PBS and relax kind of night. It's gonna be a too being booty kind of night, if you know what I'm talking about. I was watching this documentary on Malcolm X. Love Malcolm X, my idol. Watching this documentary on Malcolm X, and she comes up to me and she says, Who is Malcolm X? Is he one of the X-Men? Is he DC or Marvel? I stayed with her, you know what I mean? I'm not God gave you blessings. That's a lot of y'all be like, nah, I'm cool. I'm pretty sure in 40 years, 20, 20 years, somebody said something similar. The star that broke the camel's back is her celebrity crush. Her biggest celebrity crush is Michael B. Jordan. And I can't falter because I'm like a Timu Michael B. Jordan. Y'all laughing a little too damn hard on that. Y'all not gonna mess up my confidence. My mama right there. Like a Michael B. Jordan and Kirk Franklin had a baby. It be me. When to go see that. I'm glad somebody agreed. When to go see that movie centers when it first came out. She loved that movie. Great movie. I said, I'm gonna ask you a question. If Michael B. Jordan was to walk past us right now and say, hey babe, would you leave Rome to be with me? What would you say? She said, I would stay with you. Yeah, that was the dumbest shit I've ever heard in my life. I will leave me for Michael B. Jordan. Hell, if sexy red and Rosie O'Donnell walk through these doors right now, I'm pulling my drawers down as we speak. Let me get a little bit vulnerable with you guys right now. Mason knows he got crazy family members out there. I'm looking right at you. If you didn't make any noise, Miss Lady, it's probably Yeah. She's smiling. You can tell she used Sensodine. No, let me stop. Cause he's patting. That's that calm down, baby. Calm down. I'm safe. My mama right here. And she got Amazon Prime, so her prayers go straight up to the Lord. I got a lot of crazy family members out there, man. A lot of crazy family members, but I could talk about two of them because they're not here. I'm safe. I'm safe. That's my little silver fox. You understand what I'm talking about? I got two crazy family members, man. And you know, in the black household, for people that know this, we don't go by real names. We go by aliases. I got an aunt named Booty. And I got an uncle named Dickie. True story. I just found out they real names during COVID. I'm just 30 years. And I was like, oh, you're Tyrone and Annette? Oh, excuse me. I love my aunt Booty, man. I love her to death. She's a real religious hypocrite, always preaching the word to me. But I can't take her serious because she's the first person I've ever seen that rolls up and read the Bible at the same time. I said, Booty, I don't think King James wants you doing that. She says, mind your business, nephew. This is the Rick James version. My uncle Dickie, man, he he alright. I see him underneath the poison with tunnel. I drive right past. God gonna bless him. I don't want to get in the way. Oh, let the Lord use him as a vessel, not me. Good guy, man. Love him to death, man. Love him to death, man. He fell on some hard times. He's homeless. Right? He's homeless. So, you know, Dickie, if you need anything, you know, if they stop me at the Easy Pass, I got you. Traffic's backed up. I got you, big dog. I got you. He said, I know you know you're homeless, Unc. I got you. He said, first of all, nephew, don't you ever disrespect me and tell everybody I'm homeless. Just the people I be at home less. He's surrounded by love. Nah, man. I'm glad I came out here tonight. Almost didn't make it. When they had my start time at 7.20, you know, I got a lot of black people that showed up. Like, yeah, I gotta be here 6 45 a.m. I put the flyer out there, it's all on the marquee. What time? I was like, but I was at home, man. I was at home, took some time off. I started watching these game shows, right? I started becoming a big fan of Family Feud. This is what I was just talking about. We got eight minutes in the show left. And she comes curling up here with that shea butt on her legs, like I ain't noticed. Like a fried pork chop dinner. Delectable. Now I was watching uh Family Feud recently, man. Let me tell you something. Family Feud ain't built for the smart people. I don't know what's wrong with that show. Steve Harvey has done his thing with that show. I just I I I could tell who's the dumb family member. Like I was watching the show, and Steve Harvey was going around, he was asking questions. He was asking questions. He was like, Can you name an animal that begins with the letter E? And the lady conflict went up there and said, Easter bunny. You know, you know what makes it so bad is they get in that stupid huddle? Good answer, good answer, good answer. He came back around to that same family. Came right back to that same family. And he asked him another question. He said, Hey, can you name the capital of Virginia? Can y'all name the capital of Virginia? There you go. That they passed. They went to public school. They showed up on time. This person goes up there and says, the capital of Virginia is the letter V. I got so pissed. I was like, they set us back another five hundred years. Never understood that, man. I told you guys my pronouns are broken cheap. I actually bought some water from here recently. I bought three waters. They cost me$36. Hold on. The reason it was$36 was$2 a bottle. Three. That's six. And then$30 for the overdrive fee. But come the holiday. God go make a way. Cause I'm gonna call Navy Federal up and dispute them damn charges. I was never at designers theater. I had that water. Nah, man. Y'all saw Netflix went up in price, right? Oh my god, it's like$45 now, ain't it? I'm so glad. But God made a way though. He heard my prayers. He gave me Tubi. Woo! Tubi is the devil. White people don't know what that means. Tubi, to display it to you guys, go to Walmart and dig in the$5 bin. And find the most random movie you never heard of. Tubi is the devil. You don't need no login. You don't need no password. You don't need no subscription. And the thing about Tubi is they'll put the description of the movie in the title. You be watching Tubi? Tubi dude. I got stuck down a rabbit hole with Tubi one time, but I found the best holiday classic out there that I've ever seen in my life. And me and my mama watched it. I don't know y'all familiar with it. It's called The Grinch You Stove Bitches. You was here on time, so you know I don't get no women. So you know that's right there. You know, just a good old$2.99 McFish sandwich. I got that one right there. We watching the Grinch stove. That movie was so bad. Buddy bought a costume from Party City and took a white t-shirt and wrote Grinch on it. But I watched a whole two hours and 45 minutes of that damn. The movie's supposed to be an hour and a half, but Tubi put a commercial every five minutes in it. Don't even have no real actors in it, neither. Because I'm gonna tell y'all something. There's movies on Tubi, and then there's Tubi movies in it. Grant You stole bitches is a Tubi movie that is not going on Netflix or Paramount. That is standing right there in the theater. It's not, oh no. No. Then the actors that you look for, I'm like, man, this gotta be an early film. I'm like, you know, Michael B. Jordan might be there. Denzel Washington. Excuse the hell out of me. You moaning and groaning a little too hard over there. And you lucky I can't see because this I ain't cleaned my glasses this morning. So no, I'm kidding. I ain't gonna do nothing because you got your dude with you. He didn't open his legs up, like he's about to jump down on my ass. And my mama, you know, yeah, she got high blood pressure, so we can't do that. And my sister, she ain't the best driver in the world. Y'all heard of the fast and the furious? She's the slow and the reckless, huh? My aunt here though. I'm not about to talk about her. She didn't put her coat on. You know it's time to go to bed. Every time I call her, what's she doing, Berta? I'm in my recliner. I'm like, it's 5 45. I'm about to go to bed. Nah, I appreciate you guys coming out. I got a little bit more time. If you got your phone, please pull them out right now.

unknown 29:46

Pull them out!

SPEAKER_01 29:56

Man, I'm telling you, thank you. He, you get a gold star. If you oh yeah, my we share a phone. All right, let's boost mobile. Alright, shut up. If you guys got social media, Instagram, I'm at ComedianRome on all social media platforms. Make sure you follow me. I do follow back. And if you see me out in the lobby, I got free merchandise for you guys. It's just a business card. It ain't. I live home with my mama. You heard that. Thank you guys so much for your time and y'all get home safe.

SPEAKER_00 30:42

Thank you for attending the Z French Festival. To learn more about the Z and the rest of our season, visit us online at the Z.org. At this time, we ask that you please assist our staff by exiting the theater in a timely manner. Thank you.